burnthesuns replied to your post: Is it weird that I’m a little bit scared about the…
Like, having one? It’s a bit intimidating. Or just the concept? The concept of family is one I like a lot. But having this group of people you have to care for and love and trust unconditionally is a bit beyond me at the moment.
It’s something that I’ve been in my entire life but it still feels so alien to me. I know that that sounds really dark and sad, but I just don’t understand it. It’s not like there has been some scarring event in my life that has caused me to not know how to act around my parents, nor do I lay awake in bed at night wondering what it is that I am missing. I just don’t quite understand the whole father-daughter/mother-son relationship sort of thing. I understand the purpose, but I don’t really understand the behavior. It’s not like my parents are bad parents, or bad people. Not in the least. Sure, my dad is kind of angry (a lot) and my mom has done her fair share of whining, but it’s not like I blame them for having faults. Faults that I myself have flailed and struggled to avoid but have inherited to a certain extent anyway.
I guess that there is something a little bit scary about the idea that you didn’t choose this, that you may not even like the family that you have but you are obligated to spend time with them. You aren’t obligated to spend time with friends.
I guess that that’s why friendships have always appealed to me more. I choose my friends, and I know the individual bonds that I make with them because I established them with the other person myself. Because I love them for who they are, and I just find them amazing and nice and fun.
And then there’s the unconditional love thing. I don’t understand that. It doesn’t sound nice to me. “I love you because we live in the same house.” To me that sounds equivalent to not having any reason for loving the love of your life, but simply loving them because you need a boyfriend/girlfriend. It could be anyone.
I’m sorry for going on and on about this, it must sound kind of depressing. But I don’t even understand a majority of what I said. I guess that I’m just exploring my own thoughts.